Stolen Virginities

In The Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful

As a Muslim woman who is also an American citizen, I have a problem most American women don’t have to worry about, (at least I hope they don’t). He’s called the Green Card Hunter. He tells you he loves you, he’s so impressed by your character/beauty/intelligence, and he just can’t live without you. You believe him, you marry him, and two years later, he’s gone.

Thinking about this creature the other day, it occurred to me, that if someone were to do that to me, the thing I’d mourn the most would be my virginity, not my time. (Which is not to say I’d be thrilled by the waste of two years). And the reason is this: you can only have sex for the first time once, and I’d like that once to be with someone I can trust to be with me till we’re both old and gray. I don’t want to eventually find someone to chill next to in matching rocking chairs; I want to go from skydiving to rocking chairs with the same man.

These thoughts led me to think about the millions of women who give their virginity to men who aren’t going to know them in two years, forget about rocking chairs. And it occurred to me, that while the Green Card Hunter may not be a universal problem, the Virginity Thief is. He’s that guy who tells you he loves you, he’s so impressed by your beauty/intelligence/character, and he can’t live without you. You believe him, you do things with him you’ve never done with anyone before because you’ve got the rocking chairs all picked out, and two years later he’s telling someone else he loves her, he’s so impressed by her intelligence/beauty/character, and he can’t live without her. Now she’s shopping for rocking chairs.

As evidenced by the Green Card Hunter above, the Virginity Thief can’t always be stopped by two gold bands, but maybe instead of millions of rocking chairless women, there would be thousands if we just stopped believing the words of potential Virginity Thieves, and made them put their money where their mouths are.

What do you think?

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2 Responses to Stolen Virginities

  1. Masha’Allah I think you’ve bought something very interesting to light sister. So many broken promises and so many fake forevers. As you said our virginity is something precious as once lost it can never be returned. I think maybe as women we think too far ahead in relationships. The moment we feel he is a nice man we imagine our life together, having children, settling down and as you said picking out our rocking chairs. It’s better for us to live in reality than this fantasy world we create ourselves (easier said than done). Insha’Allah may we all be protected from the green card thieves and virgin thieves!

    P.s. love how you have categorised the “Green card thief” and the “virginity thieves” 🙂

    • inkomazi says:

      Thank you. I know what you mean about thinking too far ahead, I know in my own case I tend to plan an entire life once I fall in love, and when things don’t work out, it’s the loss of that future I was banking on that hurts the most. I’m currently working on cultivating a safer, less reckless approach, but as you say, easier said than done!
      Aameen!

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